Kiersten+Christian+ Chris+Lynn :)

Just finished reading Chitter Chatter Zara's Blog. Her story reminded me sooo much of Eli. Just that mine was almost close to 20 weeks old when i delivered Eli. Chris & i got to hold her... for a few minutes that lasted like a lifetime. I remember leaving the hospital the same day. It was a Sunday noon, as i was walking around in the concierge area, it was so empty, so lonely, and sooo empty handed. My parents were there with me. To not make them worry, Chris & i still put up our tough front and smile. But i bleaks soo much that no words up to this very moment can explain. Everyone was telling us ' there must be a reason for all that had happened'! In my mind with my heart bleeding i thought, they will NOT know how it is like to hear that. They will NEVER understand. NEVER WILL! There is no reason for sumthing like that to happened to anyone. As time passes, i just do not feel as bitter as it was when i first heard it but i still do not have the answer to it even now that we are blessed with little Kiersten in our life after 2 years. And only god knows what it was like to go through the last 2 years awaiting for a miracle to happened! It tire Chris & i down sooo much, every try, every month, is a chore. It is no longer about us, or about our relationship. It was just for myself. Yeah, how true and how self fish i was thinking back. Chris was not very ready initially, he felt that he was just doin me a chore or rather an obligation to me. How sad it was when we have to involved in such conversation. But he was nevertheless the most supportive hubby that anyone can have. He still stood by me and go with all my crazy ideas. All that time we have friends getting married, getting pregnant and have kids earlier than us though they got married later than us. We are happy for them of course but at the same time at the back of my mind i was thinking, am i not normal or maybe not healthy enough. I changed to a total health freak! Behind all these facade, Chris & i look perfectly fine... a perfect, happy, and contented couple. It got me thinking though, izit because i was sooo lucky to have such a beautiful and prferctly understanding hubby... it would be "too good to be true" therefore sum part of our lives have to be even off for that.